i want a mother.

My mom left us, she din say a word. She left to live her own life, she wanted to break free from us. When she left, she left a deep scar in my heart.

I was angry and had always envious with people having their mothers always caring for them, cook for them and taking care of their needs. I started being independent even before I reached 21. I dun have the luxury of having a loving mother always standing beside me and supporting me whatever I do. I was often angry and feeling alone and I felt no one truly understands me.

I wan to feel pampered.
I wanted to be adored.
I want my mom to cook soup for me everyday.

Although i stayed with my aunt, there is always a differential treatment. A mother will never look down on her son/daughter no matter what he/she had done. I was always reprimanded and criticized and I have to bear the fact I was staying there under their shed. A real mother will never complain abt how dirty her son's uniform is, but an aunt would. My aunt has been pretty antagonized by how difficult to wash my clothes, especially those new ones I've bought. Her face will be black all day and refused to talk to me. A real mom will never be calculative on how much she spent on her children's toys but an aunt would. She will be calculating the extra bowl of rice I took when I went back home for dinner or extra strands of vegetables I've eaten.

To solve these problems, I think below are the solutions.

1) Wash my own clothes
2) Prepare my own meals, or have my own meals outside
3) Move out eventually

If I were to choose option 3, I think i shall be seeing them less. There is no point to keep the relationship then.